Dating has always been an odd experience.
There are rules, but nobody knows them.
There are special codes, but nobody has a cipher.
Yet, somehow, unless you’re in your 20s, things are weirder than they’ve ever been.
It was also a much more carefree time, when if you liked someone, that was enough.
As always, you could hit up bars, clubs, and shows.
you’ve got the option to venture off to parties and barbecues.
you’re free to also go online and have access to loads of single people in your area.
Online dating gives you more options than ever.
Not just in people, but in sources.
notes you passed in middle school.
You wonder if their affection for Vampire Weekend would end up getting annoying.
You question their odd use of Billy Madison quotes.
In the past, I met people through a larger community and that was enough.
Those match percentages and pre-date emails create an expectation that’s often impossible to live up to.
I found online dating hard to keep up with in general.
I met plenty of great people andfound some cool bars, but it was an empty experience.
If youre smart, you learn to ignore these things and be more open-minded.
Once you hit your 30s, these things change.
Some deal breakers are just as superficial, but people have added much heavier ones, too.
Still, I was pretty surprised at how quickly these conversations came about.
Of course, the superficial deal breakers are still there, hiding the deeper ones beneath the surface.
I polled random people over the last few weeks, and found pretty low expectations in general.
But the most surprising deal breaker?
The one that nearly every person I talked with mentioned?
“Must have a bed frame.”
The “Game” Is Different, and Bluntness Is King
Want to stop seeing someone?
Want to ask someone out?
Just say it (without being a creep, of course).
If you want to stop seeing someone, tell them right away.
If you enjoy someone’s company, ask them out again whenever you want.
For that same reason, things seem to move a lot faster after your 20s.
Gone are the days of months and months before that dreaded exclusivity conversation pops up.
So What Do You Do?
Dating is weird no matter how (or when) you approach it.
Don’t want kids?
Don’t want to stay in the city you’re in and buy a house?
Put those cards on the table early.
Match took the time to come up with a set of suggestions fordealing with the abundance of choice.
If you’re dating online, get your profile up to snuff.
Search Google right now, andyou’ll see thousands of articlesabout creating the perfect online dating profile.
Everyone has an opinion.
Wiredhas even crunched the numbers.
Show, don’t tell.
Don’t mention exes.
But not too funny.
Mention the right activities.
Reddit’s/r/okcupid(or whatever site you’re using) offers up profile critiques to cut through the crap.
But it’s still a delicate balance of presenting yourself honestly, modestly, and still proudly.
verify youronline presence is in order.
If online dating isn’t for you, the same old tricks work.
Head to places with like-minded people, hang out with friends, and talk to everyone you meet.
One piece of advice though: go fishing for that date of birth when you’re able to.
There’s something about that 22-35 age range that’s hard to pin down someone’s age sometimes.
There’s nothing worse two people staring at a clock in a bar.
Don’t be afraid to walk away.
If something’s not working even though it seems like it should be, don’t keep trying.
Likewise, if thingsareworking, let them keep working and don’t over think things too much.
Photos byJulia Tim,bixentro,Brett Lider,Cory Doctorow.
