Id lost my job.
I showed it to my boyfriend in the seat next to me.
These things happen, I said, smiling and putting my phone away.
Its probably for the best.
Lets enjoy our trip.
I praised myself for being strong and accepting the situation.
In reality, I was in complete denial that I just lost a job I loved.
Theyre just broad, common stages people go through when grieving.
And that isnt limited to death and divorceit can apply to losing your job too.
Recognizing those stages can help you cope.
When my mom asked if I was okay, I laughed it off.
Why wouldnt I be okay?
This is probably a blessing in disguise.
It probably happened so I could land a bigger, better, higher-paying job.
Theres a greatFrasierepisode that addresses this very topic.
If you anticipated your termination, you may feel relief at no longer having to work under stressful conditions.
Sure, losing your job may give you more time for hobbies.
Your employer might very well reconsider, and something better probably will come along, eventually.
But thats not the point.
The point is: when youre in this stage, youre emotionally rejecting the loss to protect yourself.
Denial may be necessary, but it can become a problem.
As psychologist Dr. Melanie Greenberg points out, self-evaluation is important during this time.
You want to be honest about your feelings and the cause of your job loss.
Over atPsychology Today, she suggests:
Awareness is the first step to change.
Be willing to face the problem, but dont dwell on it 24 hours a day.
This will just make you feel worse.
Its tempting to clam up when youre in this stage, too.
I avoided friends because I didnt want to hear them tell me it was going to be okay.
Youre protecting yourself, after all, and admitting the truth to others can make you feel vulnerable.
Butas weve said before, its important to put yourself out there when youre unemployed.
That might mean attending networking events, asking colleagues for job recommendations, or just volunteering.
You might be mad at your employer, your former coworkers, the economy, or yourself.
Hell, you might be mad at anyone and everyone around you.
Perhaps seek professional counseling or guidance from your minister.
There are also many community job search support groups available.
Seek them out and participate.
As your outward anger subsides, you start to move into the next stage.
Of course, you want to double-check this support is productive.
If your venting turns into dwelling, this can backfire.
Writing about your feelings can be helpful, too.
Financial strain can make things worse, so avoid any rash money decisions that might stress you out later.
These all have consequences that can add to your stress and fuel your anger.
I dont dress the part, I told myself.
How can I expect to get a great job if I wear jeans and a t-shirt all the time?
I figured if I focused on my outward appearance, my career problem would heal itself.
In thatFrasierepisode, he does the same thing.
He convinces himself that if he were more supportive of his fans,hiscareer problem would heal itself.
Ive been a bad celebrity, he concludes.
This was just bargaining in action.
Theres nothing wrong with self-improvement, but ironically, it can get in the way when its misdirected.
You make yourself feel unnecessarily guilty.
To keep your confidence intact,CareerPlanner.com recommends an exercise.
What am I proud of?
What did I learn about myself or what new skills did I learn?
Who did I help and how?
Tell a story about it, even if its just a paragraph.
This serves a valuable purpose: it keeps guilt at bay, because its focused on your accomplishments .
Those accomplishments are also grounded in reality.
More importantly, it can make you feel guilty, so thats something to keep in mind.
Youre a human being.
You have a right to feel unhappy.
Validating was hard for me, because I just wanted to get over the whole thing.
Instead of dealing with my depression, Id tell myself I was over it (more denial).
Eventually, Id go right back to being depressed.
Its important to experience this stage, but it also thoroughly sucks.
A few things helped me get through it.
For starters, a daily routine was useful because it gave me direction and purpose.
It also forced me to put my nose to the grindstone and look for work.
Volunteering can also help give you a sense of purpose.
It can be useful for networking, too.
You define who you are, not your job or a companys decision whether or not to employ you.
Find Acceptance
Finally, of course, theres acceptance.
You understand what happened, youve experienced it, and youre functioning through it.
One thing to keep in mind with acceptance: check that youre not forcing it.
Accountability: you’re free to take ownership of your role in what lead to your job loss.
Again, you dont want to rush through any of these stages.
for accept your job loss, its important to experience whatever emotions arise.
