Feedback is instructive language that positively influences behavior.

It helps us grow and become better.

This post originally appeared on theHelp Scout blog.

This value can be easily lost due to belligerent language masquerading as nurturing guidance.

Tough love is earned, not given.

A friend of mine experienced this, and his example unfortunately describes many workplaces.

When he was hired, the boss said that the workplace culture was like a family.

My friend made a mistake, and the boss gave him feedback.

When my friend retold the story, it didnt sound like feedbackit sounded like criticism and contempt.

There were no reviews in the weeks that followed on my friends progress.

The boss complained to other workers.

There was an exchange of words that lacked guidance, much less kindness.

He asked me, How does your work do it?

Its a process that is honed over time as relationships grow stronger and individual personalities are better understood.

Its the sole reason why I am improving.

This is true whether we give, receive, or solicit feedback.

And vulnerability doesnt go away even if were trained and experienced in offering and getting feedback.

Instead, its taking off the armor, showing up, and engaging.

Its that simple but also that difficult.

Sometimes people just click and the process of providing feedback is effortless.

When that understanding is amiss, organizationsmuststrive to fill in that gap.

Potential is slipping right through your fingers.

How do you take off the armor, show up, and engage?

When I first joined Help Scout, Greg and I got on the phone and addressed this issue immediately.

This is not only reassuring as a coworker, but as a human being.

Now I know what to expect.

With this expectation comes confidence in knowing that I will be coached to victory.

Sometimes a heart-to-heart conversation is what sparks this understanding; the actions that follow keep it vibrant.

Once vulnerability is understood and readily practiced, feedback can become a positive and life-changing aspect of personal growth.

But just because mistakes were identified doesnt mean we can start sailing.

To complete the loop, dont just give feedback; script the next critical moves.

However, the popcorn was purposely staleso stale that it squeaked.

Some people got large buckets and others, medium buckets.

They wanted to see if people with larger buckets would inevitably eat more than those with medium-size buckets.

Turns out, people with large buckets ate 53 percent more, even if the popcorn tasted awful.

Inertia and decision paralysis will conspire to keep people doing things the old way.

To spark movement in a new direction, it’s crucial that you provide crystal-clear guidance.

Its the critical moves that count.

I write these on a Post-it.

Whenever I start a new draft, I review the critical moves and start anew.

Over time, these critical steps become my new default, thus improving my efforts and removing bad habits.

The last piece to this feedback puzzle is simply to review the progress.

The art of feedback is a continuous process that improves and adjusts with circumstances.

It starts withhow we interact with one another.

Words can hit and bounce off people or they can be planted like a seed.

Learn how Help Scout takes theheadache out of email support.

Image byAniwhite(Shutterstock).

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