Then back to the party.
This is what my life is like with an anxiety disorder.
According to theNational Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders fall alongan entire spectrum.
As wevetalked about before, anxiety disorders are different from general stress.
Stress is typically an appropriate response to outside pressures or threats.
Here are some of the things I learned while dealing with anxiety.
I never had a prom or any punch in of school dance in general.
This particular shindig was a Halloween party.
I like Halloween, so I figured Id have fun at a Halloween party, right?
Except I didnt know how to interact with anyone.
It was not my proudest moment.
When I went home, I went over what went wrong.
Obviously, I concluded, it was caused bymy depression.
While I wasnt wrong, I missed something critical: Ididhave things to talk about.
I liked Halloween and I was excited by the costumes and the music.
I was just too afraid to talk to anyone.
My anxiety was hiding out on the back of my depression likethe Millennium Falcon latched onto a Star Destroyer.
In reality, my depression and my anxiety were two were separate but intertwined issues.
Dealing with depression made me avoid social situations because I felt like it was pointless.
I had no idea how to carry on normal conversations.
Since I had so little experience socializing, I developed severe anxiety when meeting new people.
Mental health problems dont come in neat, self-contained packages like other illnesses.
When you get a cold, you know what the symptoms are and how to treat it.
I just didnt realize it until much later in life.
You cant just calm downthats the whole point.
Id heard this so many times that the words started to make me angry on principle.
I yelled about how I cant calm down.
I bemoaned how awful I was as a writer, and I should just give up now.
I screamed about how everything is terrible and nothing will ever get better.
Eventually, I broke down into a sobbing mess on the floor.
My friend, again to his credit, stayed with me until I could breathe normally again.
Even if I was right that I couldnt just chill out, my friend didnt deserve that.
He was trying to help.
But its still pretty great advice.
It just doesnt work the same for people with anxiety problems.
Thats great for them.
Your problem is those things dont work.
However, theconceptis still helpful.
This results in a faster heart rate, faster breathing, and tense muscles.
After a while, this may feel like your default state.
Practicing relaxation techniques can help your body learn how to do something besides freaking out.
Help Guide recommends practicingmeditation,deep breathing, andrelaxation.
Note the word practice.
Anxiety disorders still require treatment from qualified mental health professionals.
The more practice you have with feeling relaxed, the more natural that state will feel again.
Anxiety has a nasty habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.
Other times, your bedroom door is broken for a week.
Okay, maybe that last one is just me.
I dont even remember what triggered it, but its not like I needed a reason.
While I sat alone in my room, I started hyperventilating.
I was scared, since my anxiety was acting more severely than normalbut being scared only made things worse.
I could barely breathe, so calling for help was difficult.
Finally, I managed to shove my desk chair at the bedroom door.
It was a flimsy door in a crappy apartment.
The door broke into several pieces.
It got the attention of my roommates, however.
One friend called paramedics, which scared me more, and the panic got worse.
Fortunately, they only stayed long enough for me to calm down.
When an attack occurs while youre alone, it can be terrifying.
The pressure to keep your composure may only make your anxiety worse.
Having an anxiety attack or flare up can cause problems if it occurs at the wrong time.
Help Guide explains that severe anxiety attacksoften peak within about 10 minutes, occasionally lasting up to 30 minutes.
For some people, anxiety attacks may be so severe that you physically cant breathe.
For others, it may simply manifest as severe and sudden stress.
In most cases, it will pass if you’re free to give it time.
Dont continue a fight with a loved one while anxiety is flaring up.
If youre driving, pull over.
Whatever youcancontrol, venture to pause it for a bit.
Isolate yourself from the stressful stimulus:In my case, I often had a problem with loud places.
Concerts in particular were awful.
Its hard to deal with anxiety when you cant hear yourself think and lights are flashing everywhere.
While you sit for a moment, venture to focus on something else.
Distract yourself if you might.
Alternatively, let it all out:Scream.
Make that awful noise thats somewhere between the two.
Eventually, your body will get tired.
It cant keep up feeling tense forever, and certainly not after youve been screaming for five minutes straight.
Keep in mind, this isnt foreverysituation.
Only it’s possible for you to figure out what works for you.
Theres no miracle cure, and no technique works for everyone.
Again, the point isnt tofixthe anxiety in the short term.
More importantly,dont beat yourself up over it.
Looking back, most of it was my fault.
Pro tip: this isterrible.
To the shock of no one, I couldnt handle it.
I didnt talk to anyone new and eventually, I ended up telling her Id wait in the car.
She asked if I was okay and we talked for a moment, but eventually she stayed behind.
She knew where I was, but decided not to cut the entire evening short.
In other words, she handled a boyfriend with anxiety in a constructive way.
Meanwhile, I felt hurt that shed left me alone to go have fun.
How could she just abandon me like that?
Later that night, we had a fight about it.
It wasnt long after that we broke up.
Looking back, the obvious problem was that I wasnt dealing with the underlying disorder.
My anxiety wasnt her fault, and blaming her only distracted me from the real problem.
The worse side effect of this kind of blame is that it alienates people who are trying to help.
Others may become (perhaps rightly) defensive and become unwilling to be supportive.
For me, this was the hardest lesson of all to learn.
I wanted there to be an external cause I could cut off to stop this feeling.
If only my roommate would stop being such a jerk!
If only my girlfriend were more supportive!
When youre overwhelmed with anxiety, your ability to take action is already at an all time low.
Pretending other people are responsible for how you feel takes the pressure off you.
Sometimes other people can seriously screw you up.
If you have a terrible job, look elsewhere.
However, its best to approach those problems on your good days, or when youre not feeling overwhelmed.
Most importantly, wherever possible, focus on what you’re able to do for yourself.
If youre struggling with an anxiety disorder, dont hesitate to seek help.
There are tons ofhotlines and groups you might callif youre not sure where to turn.
Your health insurance plan may have some guidance forcovered mental health programs.
If you cant afford therapy, you cancheck out our guide herefor low- or no-cost options.
No matter how you choose to get help, the most important thing is that you take action.
If you have someone in your life that can support you, make a run at reach out.
Its a long, difficult process to get better, but it is possible.
