It seems like people are always looking for love, but single life can be pretty great.
Difficult, but not impossible.
After living on my own for nearly my entire adult life, shacking up with my now-fiance was challenging.
I wanted to do them alone.
There were quirks on his end, too.
Sorry, hed say.
I guess Im not used to talking to someone about my day.
It was easy enough to get on the same page with small things like this.
Maybe they think being in a relationship means you hang out every single weekend (or every day!
), and youre used to spending Sundays alone.
There comes a time when youll want to lay these expectations out, commonly known as The Talk.
Most people think of this as defining the relationship:are we dating?
But everyone has a busy schedule, and things dont always work out so perfectly.
For example, I love being alone in the mornings so I can get my work done in peace.
He loves to have coffee and chat before he leaves for work.
This is why setting boundaries is important.
For example:
I love having sex with you, its an incredible part of our relationship.
Can we keep having the best sex ever in the mornings?
In addition, take time to understand each others priorities, as clinicalpsychologist Randi Gunther suggests.
Make a mental list of your priorities for being alone vs. doing things as a couple.
When exactly do each of you prefer alone time vs. couple time?
And what does that time entail?
It also helps to knowwhythat time is important to you, so you’re able to prioritize accordingly.
Drafting these priorities can make it easier to find a compromise.
Are they because you are not listening to each other?
What things cause you disappointment and pain?
What things dont you talk about and what stops you talking about them?
How would you like your communication with your partner to be different?
After the basics, you want to learn each others communication style.
Do you prefer to give directions and make decisions without a lot of input from others?
Or do you prefer a more collaborative approach?
Are you comfortable sharing power?
Or do you prefer relationships where there is a hierarchical power structure in place?
Consider each of your love languages, too.
Youll want to learnhow to have productive money conversations.
Consider holding weekly money meetings.
Simply being aware of them can make all the difference.
There cannot be resentment or martyrdom, or the relationship will eventually erode.
Those givens are seen as gifts to the other, not as losses of individuality.
Part of the fun of being single is learning to enjoy your independence.
You dont have to give that up when you find someone you want to spend your life with.
