The CDC estimatesthat you have a 50% chance of getting a sexually transmitted infection before you turn 25.

Even thoughSTIsare remarkably common, most people feel uncomfortable having honest conversations about safety with new sexual partners.

In reality, most STIs arent that big of a deal.

Many can be cleared up with a simple dose of antibiotics.

Some HPV strains can be eliminated by your body without any outside intervention.

A lot of people with herpes only have a handful of outbreaks in their entire lives.

You dont need to freak out, but you do need to educate yourself about your STI.

Talk to your doctor about symptoms and treatment.

Check outPlanned Parenthoodand read about transmission and risk factors.

attempt to be gentle on yourself.

Even the most safety-conscious people are susceptible to getting an STI.

Condoms and dental dams arent foolproof.

And you know what?

Sometimes we just make mistakes.

If you feel shame, remind yourself that you are not your STI.

You dont want to wait until youre playing the just the tip game to talk about STIs.

Plus, you dont want your partner to feel like youve been hiding your status from them.

Waiting also decreases your chances of being written off by your partner.

This is not a conversation to have at Starbucks.

Face-to-face can feel intense, but it really is the best bet.

But it’s possible for you to prevent a lot of discomfort by having your statement already prepared.

Try something like, Ive been having a really great time with you.

Before this goes any further physically, I wanted to talk to you about something important.

I have (fill in the blank).

From there, tell them a few details about your STI.

For example, I have herpes.

Ive only ever had one outbreak, and other than that I have no symptoms.

It is contagious, and theres still a risk that you could get it even if we use protection.

Tell your partner which activities are safe and which ones are risky.

For example, I dont have oral herpes, so its safe for me to go down on you.

This will set your partner up to respond compassionately.

attempt to speak calmly and confidently.

Dont put yourself down.

Consider Telling Your Story

Theres no denying that people make judgments about those with STIs.

My mom passed it to me during childbirth.

This isnt to say that there are acceptable and unacceptable reasons for contracting an STI.

Say something like, Here are some resources Ive found helpful.

Maybe you’re free to call me tomorrow?

Others are simply reacting to the risks and making a decision about their own body.

Choosing to err on the side of safety isnt the same as a personal judgment or rejection.

Remember, youre a person who happens to have an STI, but your STI doesnt define you.

Above all, you should beimmenselyproud of yourself for being honest!

Sharing your status is a sign of respect, maturity, and general awesomeness.

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy.

Its her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.

Have questions about sex?

you’re free to reach her at[email protected], or at VMTherapy.com.

Title illustration by Tina Mailhot-Roberge.