How to Realize You're Being a Narcissistic Ass—and Stop

Here’s how to get over yourself so it’s possible for you to build relationships that actually matter.

Does This Sound Like You?

There’s a thin line between confidence and self-absorption.

Taken too far, that ego gets inflated and selfishness ends up ruining relationships with other people and yourself.

A narcissist quickly succumbs to the “it’s all about me” idea.

Do you suck at taking criticism?

Do you take charge of every conversation?

Do you blame others without regard to what you’ve done wrong?

Then you probably have some narcissistic traits.

In short, it’s easy to become a narcissistic ass without even realizing it.

But for those of us who only display a few of these self-absorbed traits, there’s hope.

You’ll get offended easily in both the workplace and your relationships.

You’llblame other people instead of yourself, which makes taking criticism even harder.

Collaboration also becomes more challenging, because others grow tired of walking on eggshells.

In short, if you’re able to’t take criticism, you’re a pain to work with.

When you’re not being challenged, you aren’t going to get better or produce anything new.

It’s a cycle that quickly causes personal growth to come to a standstill.

So, force yourself to ask more questions during conversations.

It doesn’t matter what they’re about, but pull the focus off yourself.

It’s also importanthowyou ask those questions.

Rob: Oh yeah?

What models have you looked at?

Shift-Response

Rob: Oh yeah?

I’m thinking about buying a new car too.

Rob: Yup, I just test drove a Mustang yesterday and it was awesome.

In the support-response, you keep the attention on them.

In the shift-response, you bring it back to you.

It’s easy enough to stop.

From there, it’s aboutlisteningand notdominating the conversation.

Consider it a challenge.

When you’re narcissistic, you lack empathy.

Without that ability to understand others, you’re going to struggle in most social relationships.

People can’t always control how they think, but they can control how they treat themselves and others.

You first reaction might be a static trait, but you could changewhenyou react.

As we’vepointed out before,empathy is something you could learn.

Over time, that initial reaction quiets down and is easier to ignore.

Over on Signal v. Noise, Jason Friedtalks about taking five minutesto let an idea sink in before responding.

Photos byangrylambie1,Peter,J E Theriot,Hector Alejandro,Quinn Dombrowski.