Is there a place in relationships for masturbation?
The easy answer is yes!
Its your body, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want with it.
But like anything else in life, masturbation has some complexities that can affect your relationship.
Heres how to have a healthy relationship with your partnerandyour hand.
A lot of these feelings stem from unfamiliarity.
Masturbation physically requires you to have contact with your body.
It helps you experience pleasure in an area of your body that may have only ever evoked shame.
Still, its really useful to have a frame of reference for what you like.
Many people will find it difficult toreach orgasm with a partneruntil theyve had an orgasm on their own.
It Can Increase Your Sex Drive.You may notice that regular masturbation revs up your sex drive.
Sometimes, though, it can create too much distance between partners.
People and relationships are messy and complicated, whereas your hand is delightfully free of emotions.
This is a huge reason why masturbation can seem more enticingthan trying to be intimate with your partner.
Some people masturbate in very specific ways that cant be replicated by another person.
If It Replaces Your Desire for Your Partner.Ready to get into an extremely complicated grey area?
Men with relatively long refractory periods may notice that masturbating prevents them from getting erect for their partners.
This can be particularly challenging if youre also the partner with the lower sex drive in your relationship.
Part of the joy of masturbation is its simplicity.
Still, its worth trying to be a bit more thoughtful about your masturbatory tendencies.
and is masturbation preventing me from having the pop in of partnered intimacy that I want?
This doesnt have to be a major ordeal.
Sometimes something as simple astaking a brief porn hiatuscan resolve any issues that may have come up.
If youre not in the mood, try watching your partner masturbate.
Not many people talk about masturbation openly, but honest discussions can make all the difference in the world.
The more we support the healthy aspects of masturbation, the more we can decrease the negative effects.
Have a conversation about the pros and cons of masturbation in your relationship.
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy.
Its her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.
Have questions about sex?
you might reach her at[email protected], or at VMTherapy.com.
Illustration by Jim Cooke.
