It’s easy to blame someone (or something) else for your problems.

You don’t control everything and the world always finds a way to make your life harder.

But here’s the problem with placing blame: it doesn’t fix anything.

Sometimes, your situation is legitimately out of your control.

I’ve been in situations where I waspoor,psychologically impaired, and subject to systemic disadvantages.

Blame is a useful tool for diagnosing where a problem originates.

This isn’t constructive.

Knowing the problem isn’t the same as having the solution.

Here’s how to move past the (sometimes justified) blame step and start solving things.

This bang out of blame wasn’t very useful.

In fact, it often resulted in alienating people who were trying to help.

Eventually, I started to ask myself: “Is this person/thingreallyto blame for my issues?”

Sometimes the answer to that question was “Yes.”

For example, I attended special education schools when I was younger that included the use of seclusion rooms.

This involved placing a child in a small, windowless concrete room for potentially hours.

Blaming the systems I’d grown up in was easy.

In fact, it was also correct.

This eventually led to the practice beingbanned in my state.

In that instance, blame was used constructively.

They found out what rules were to blame and solved the problem.

Placing blame in the right place is the first step towards making your situation better.

A job thatdoesn’t pay well enough, atoxic relationship, or the circumstances of your birth.

Some things you’ve got the option to adapt to, others will simply always be that way.

Once you’ve identified a problem, it can go into one of these two categories.

Knowing the difference is essential to your own peace of mind, as well as finding a solution.

Car broke down in the middle of traffic and I have no cell phone or spare tire?

Laugh at my own incompetence.

Laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

And that detachment is a good thing.

If you’re free to learn to laugh at things, you’ve come a long way.

Try laughing even if you don’t think it’s funny it will most likely become funny.

It’s not about finding the humor in humorless things exactly.

It’s about breaking the habit of focusing on the blame.

Of course, the things you’re free to change are actionable.

Ideally, this will be your focus point.

You don’t like your situation and you want to change it, right?

Start by finding the things you have a choice on.

It may not be everything you want to change, but it’s something.

Make a list of things you could change and start there.

However,there are exceptions.

you might’t magic your way into a new job, but you cancatch up on the career ladder.

You won’tbecome less lazyby wishing for it, but you cantrick your brain into developing new habits.

A lot of this clicked for me was when I was dating.

In my early years, I had terrible luck finding a date.

I tried to be nice and wanted to be a good boyfriend, but it didn’t really work.

Once I started looking inward, I realized some things that I could change.

Sure, I thought I was a nice guy, but that didn’t entitle me to guaranteed dates.

The result was that more people became interested in being around me.

This can be harder, but it’s rarely impossible that it’s possible for you to’t change anything.

Changing your situation can range from quitting a job to leaving an unhealthy relationship.

These are necessarily harder because they involve something that changing yourself doesn’t: other people.

If you have a hostile work environment, you might tryrallying like-minded coworkers or appealing to higher authorities.

If a relationship is stressing you out, move past arguing and try toaddress your relationship problems.

Persuading others is the first step.

Unfortunately, trying to work things out with others doesn’t always work.

Sometimes you have to throw in the towel andquit your job.

Or a relationship moves from problematic toabusive.

It can’t be stressed enough that abusive relationships (and work environments!)

will often guilt you into staying or threaten you if you leave.

And it’s always a difficult thing to leave.

You need this paycheck, you’re worried about the kids, or you’re scared of upsetting someone.

These are all perfectly valid concerns.

However, there’s always help.

If you oughta escape a bad circumstance, reach out.

This guide has some excellent information onidentifying and escaping domestic abuse.

Here’s an uncomfortable truth: societal change happens slowly.

Certain things are accepted culturally that probably shouldn’t be and we can’t change them all at once.

There’s no right way to do this.

We have a guide onhow to communicate with your local government here.

you might also affect change bysupporting a good cause.

Often, change is more possible with a group than it is on your own.

However, in my personal experience, evenbeing persuasivein the small discussions matters.

Youprobablywon’t be able to single-handedly change the world.

However, cultural change does happen over time.

Some of these things changed faster than others, but theycanchange.

The bad news is that the negative consequences of society may still hurt you.

Photos byCyber Slayer,allison,Rhys A.,Frederic Poirot,Paul Chang.