Ever been in a relationship where it seemed like you were on completely different pages about sex?
Maybe they’re constantly nervous, turning you down, or complaining it isn’t steamy enough.
PsychologistSandra Pertotdeveloped a model of 10 unique libido types, based on the relationships people have with sex.
Key characteristics: Sensual lovers use sex as a way to feel connected to their partners.
If they’re feeling unloved or disconnected, you might forget about getting into their pants.
If your partneris Sensual: Ask your partner what emotional intimacy means to them.
If you’re clueless about what it means to be present, try exploringmeditation, yoga, ormindfulness.
Consider yourself a lucky SOB.
Key characteristics: Erotic lovers want Titanic-style hand-against-the-steamy-window intensity during sex.
Erotic types can have bunny-rabbit like libidos, but they tend to prefer quality over quantity.
They may believe that sex is the most important part of a romantic relationship.
You may also need to remind your partner that sex isn’t the only wonderful part of your relationship.
Key characteristics: Dependent types rely on sex to serve as their primary stress relief.
They can become withdrawn and angry if they haven’t had regular sex.
you could share these fears, and can encourage your partner to learn other coping mechanisms or .
Not all Entitled types are the jerks she makes them out to be.
They tend to be sensitive to rejection.
This is a frustrating omission.
Key characteristics: Reactive types get off on making their partners the center of attention.
There’s a big difference!
Are they truly aroused by your satisfaction?
Or are there times where they are being too giving?
Tell your partner, “I love getting you off too!
And sometimes it’s fun if we can both be the stars of the show together.”
Stressed libido types can feel an enormous amount of performance pressure and anxiety.
The old “picture your audience naked” trick doesn’t work here.
Some Stressed types feel anxious if their partner tries to initiate any sort of sexual contact.
Ask your significant other questions like, “what do you think I expect from you?”
It might feel like walking on eggshells for a bit.
Pertot doesn’t explicitly mention asexuality, but some Disinterested types may identify as asexual.
If your partner is Disinterested and you’re not, things can get a bit trickier.
You may have to make some tough decisions about the future of your relationship.
Detached Lovers Are Reacting to Stress
Core belief: “I’d rather be masturbating.”
Key characteristics: The Detached personality tends to be more temporary than any of the other personalities.
Detached types feel sexual desire, but just aren’t interested in partnered sex.
Did you cheat on your partner?
Yeah, they’re probably not going to be so interested in sex with you for a while.
What was going on in their life and your relationship at that time?
Sometimes the answer will be obvious, but other times it may be less clear.
Ask them if there are ways that you could be a supportive partner.
Key characteristics: Compulsive types have specific fetishes and fantasies that they need so you can feel desire.
Is there one certain jot down with which jot down you most identify?
Or do you feel like you’re a combination of several types?
If you’re currently in a relationship, do you think you’re with a compatible pop in?
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy.
Have questions about sex?
you’re free to reach her at[email protected], or at VMTherapy.com.
