We forget that growing up also means going through many painful realizations.

To refresh our memories, here are a few lessons well have to help our kids through.

You Are Not That Great

Kids are naturally self-centered andnarcissistic, probablybecause their brains are still maturing.

Childhood is a time of inflated egos.

Inevitably, even the soccer MVPs and straight-A kids come to learn that someone else can do it better.

It helps them overcome challenges anddevelop the necessary grit to do well in life.

Life Isnt Fair

Its not fair!

What parent hasnt heard that angry protest from their child?

Maybe this comes out of sibling rivalry, or your kid is just unhappy about unfair family rules.

(For example, my friend Laura gets to stay up until 9.

Why do I have to go to be at 8?

!Because mommy and daddy really want to watch that show on Netflix.)

Its a harsh lesson: Even when you try hard and do everything right, you wont necessarily win.

(Game of Thrones, anyone?)

Childhood development specialist Betsy Brown Braunsayswe should eliminate this phrase from our daily usage.

The children come to understand that fair means equal.

And thats just not the truth.

Dad takes Amanda to buy new shoes, and he gets them for little Samantha too.

Might as well, he thinks.

Dad wants to avoid the inevitable Thats not fair!

from the one who doesnt get, so he preemptively buys shoes for both.

Fair does not mean equal.

Fair means doing what each child needs at the time.

(It also means playing by the rules.

But that is for another time.)

And then you must tolerate Samanthas protest.

You dont look in your neighbors bowl to see if you have…as much as them.

Its never too early tolearn gratitude.

In this sense, every parent is a fraud.

Still, this is an important and unavoidable milestone.

Either way, its a bittersweet turning point.

How to help your kid:This might be more of a challenge for you than for your kid.

Each one is a wound.

Even kids in preschool are quick to recruit their BFFs, friendsforever.

And in the young adult years, dating isseriousstuff, influencing how we see ourselves.

Still, let them mourn.

And, of course,listen.

For all of the above and many other issues,truly listeningremains our best parenting strategy.

Illustration by Tara Jacoby.