My Uncle Danny once helped me buy a new Corolla while I watched in awe.
He was a relentless, negotiating beast.
He sat in silence and stared at the salesman.
In the end, I paid nearly $5,000 less than I expected.
Here are some of the best ways to do it, even when you dread it.
Why We Hate Negotiating
Whether its my salary or a new Corolla, Ive always dreaded negotiating.
I dont like asking for things because Im afraid Ill be perceived as greedy.
Imafraid of confrontationand rejection and offending someone.
Notice a theme here?
For most of us, thats exactly what an aversion to negotiating is about: fear.
The thing is, that fear is usually unfounded.
Researchers from Columbia Universityconducted a study on assertiveness (PDF)and self-awareness.
Subjects were asked to participate in mock negotiations and rate their own level of aggressiveness.
In other words, if youthink youre too assertive, youre probably not.
The bottom line is that our fear of negotiating is often unfounded.
Plus, every time you do it, it boosts your confidence.
I have, however, found some tips that help drive this point home.
If nothing else, they help me ease into the process a little better.
Arm Yourself With Research
After-school specials told us knowledge is power, and they were right.
Being armed with the right information can make you feel much more comfortable and confident when you negotiate.
First, research the numbers.
Its easier to let go of your fear of confrontation when you know what youre asking for is fair.
The same goes for haggling a better price on purchases.
If youre buying a car, research what other buyers have paid.
Beyond that, it also helps toresearch what the other party wants.
What does your boss want?
What are her goals, and how can you help her get there?
What does the dude on Craigslist selling you his sofa want?
For cars, research how much dealerships like to make off a vehicles MSRP.
Plus, you’re free to approach the negotiating process in a whole different way.
Rather than it being a confrontation, its about both parties helping each other get what they want.
For a long time, I tried to change my personality to get to negotiate and speak up better.
Instead, it led me to overcompensate in some really embarrassing ways.
I found a better approach.
Instead of trying to fight my own personality and behaviors, I learned to workwiththem.
I reframed the way I thought about negotiating.
Its not about confrontation; its about being direct.
And its not about getting one over on someoneits about joint problem solving.
Negotiation isnt about conceding, its about being creative, Weiss adds.
Similarly, studies show that being affable can go a long way in effective negotiating.
Ina study published by the American Psychological Association, researchers had students negotiate over email.
Your own mileage might vary, of course.
Some people score great deals bywearing down the other partyand being totally disagreeable.
The same is true for negotiating, and it helps to start with less intimidating tasks.
Rehearsing is helpful, too.
Grab a trusted friend, mentor, or colleague, and go over the negotiation process with them.
Ask them for feedback and advice.
Those wheels get greased while you struggle to be heard.
This is where your introverts listening skills come in handy.
During the interview, pay careful attention for the employers needs and wants.
Similarly, dont be afraid of silence.
It also gives you a moment to actually think about your next step.
That would come across awkward and unnatural.
Use your own words, though, and get the same point across.
Haggling comes easy for a lot of people, but for the rest of us, its downright scary.
Illustration by Sam Woolley.
