Most of us dont like the idea of moving back in with our parents.
Theres a lost sense of independence, a feeling of defeat, and, of course, the stigma.
Naysayers compare living with your parents to welfare.
Theyll argue that youre lazy.
Theyll say you simply dont know how to save money.
In reality, moving back home is probably the last thing you want to do.
That being said, it can still be a frustrating experience.
Some preliminary steps can help minimize that frustration.
Theres a whole different dynamic, relationship, and added set of expectations.
It pays to lay these expectations out from the start.
One way to do this is to draft a lease that includes these expectations.
If you wait until theres an incident, it will be harder to find a good solution.
Schedules: Does your parent expect to know when youll be gone?
Will you have a curfew?
When will they be home?
Habits: Discuss basic living habits.
For example, what time does everyone wake up and go to bed?
It helps to be aware of how these habits might affect everyone in the house.
Discuss how they expect you to pitch in.
If youve been on your own for a while, it can be a frustrating adjustment for both parties.
Outlining your expectations can alleviate some of that frustration.
Consider all of the common boundaries youd have in a normal tenant-landlord situation.
For example, whats the house guest policy?
Also, where will you stay?
If youre in your old room, are other areas of the house off-limits?
If you work from home, do you need a space for a remote office?
Beyond that, also consider privacy.
Most parents cant help but to chime in about your social life, finances, and career.
Now that youre an adult, your relationship to your parents needs to change to a horizontal one.
If theres disagreement, youll want to address it now rather than after youve moved in.
You feel like youve taken a step back.
You have to keep looking for opportunities elsewhere and keep applying for jobs every single day.
Talk to friends and see if they know anyone looking for a roommate.
Consider moving in with your significant other.
While their advice is aimed at people with financial issues, this can work for any situation.
Not only will having a plan ensure youdoget back out there, itll help with that feeling of defeat.
And this tip is easy enough to combine with drafting a lease.
Behave Like a Guest
One way to avoid the child-parent roles?
Offer the same courtesy to your parents as you would any other host.
Feeling like a child doesnt do much for your feeling of defeat.
I couldnt change my moms views on tradition, and shell always think of me as her child.
U.S. Newssuggests a few ways of doing this:
Be willing to help with routine family chores.
If youre not working, it only makes sense that you help with the family grocery shopping or vacuuming.
Offer to pay part of the utility and grocery bills.
Youll be using electricity and hitting the fridge; its only fair that you should pay for it.
Plus, when you do start getting your own utility bills, it wont be such a shock.
Be willing to take a job thats beneath you.
You could wait years to find a job that your education/training prepared you for.
You need money now.
Take a fair job today, then look for a better one tomorrow.
Its easy to get comfortable in this situation, and comfort can thwart your exit strategy.
I hope you understand.
One thing we did right was enjoy our time together.
Illustration by Tara Jacoby.
