How To Become Comfortable Talking About Sex When You Never Have Before

If youre a total sexual communication beginner, here are some straightforward steps to help you get started.

Start Small with a Few Basic Words

Start with the most basic of basics.

Write a list of all the words that feel embarrassing to you (penis, vagina, fingerbanging).

Pick one to start with, then say it to yourself inside your head.

Repeat it over and over and over until it starts to feel boring.

(Penis penis penis penis penis!)

Then say it out loud, repeating again until it starts to feel ridiculously straightforward.

Next, try looking at yourself in a mirror as you say the words.

Take as long as you need working your way through your list.

At this point, you might also start trying out full sentences.

Give feedback, like fuck me harder.

Bring up things you could do in bed, like what would you think of trying anal?

Look uperotic fictionand read it out loud

Read theLifehacker: After Hourscolumns out loud!

The point is to keep practicing and getting more comfortable talking about sexual topics.

Try initiating a conversation when the two of you are hanging out, not doing anything in particular.

It also helps if youre both relaxed and in relatively good moods.

Say something along the lines of I want to talk about our sex life.

Dont overwhelm yourself by trying to discuss your entire sex life in one go.

Instead, pick one single topic to bring up or question to ask.

I recommend picking something thats positive and doesnt have a specific goal in mind.

Here are a few suggestions:

What do you like most about our sex life?

What is one of your favorite sexual memories with me?

When do you feel the most turned on?

Acknowledge every little step you take, and congratulate yourself for being brave.

Youre doing something that many people never allow themselves to do!

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy.

Its her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.

Have questions about sex?

you’re able to reach her at[email protected], or at VMTherapy.com.

Image remixed fromsyzius(Shutterstock).