It all comes down to respect.
Remember, the point of being assertive is to double-check your thought gets the respect it deserves from others.
You’re not trying to intimidate them or make them feel beneath you.
A little confidencenever hurts either.
This means that you better know what it is you want to say.
If you’re not sure of the point your making, don’t say anything.
Stay on topic and say exactly what you mean.
This is tough when you’re shy, but remember, you don’t need to say much.
You just need to say what you feel needs to be said.
Take a deep breath and get the words out as clearly as it’s possible for you to.
For example:
Other Person:“You’re not doing a very good job with your work.”
By agreeing with the attacker, you disarm them.
But when you agree with them, they don’t feel like they have any sort of advantage.
This is a helpful tactic for shy people that feel like others take advantage of their shyness.
Be a Broken Record If They Won’t Listen
Assertiveness is not just about defending yourself.
Part of being assertive is confronting others when things need to be dealt with.
If you have a point you should probably get across, don’t back down.
Will it be annoying to the other person?
Yes, but that’s the point.
You might be shy, but they need to respect your thoughts, feelings, and choices.
You want to avoid as much confrontation as possible, but saying no is bound to create it.
Here are some examples:
“Thanks, but I’m not interested.”
“Thanks, but I can’t make that a priority right now.”
“Thanks, but I need some time to myself right now.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I think I’ll pass on this one.”
“Thanks for keeping me in the loop, but I can’t make it this time.”
Starting with a “thanks” can help more than you think.
Photos by Tina Mailhot-Roberge,Forest Runner,Evil Erin,Ingrid Taylar,Todd,mahalie stackpole.
