Working in retail, I still remember one of my worst customers.
He handed me a quarter and what looked like a single one dollar bill.
I said, Sorry, the total istwotwenty-five.
Do you speak English?
Do you know math?
I was fuming, but I said nothing.
The problem was: I let that jerk turn me into an jerk, too.
Maybe someone just gets under your skin and you dont even realize its happening.
Or maybe all of your friends are kind of jerks, and you gradually start becoming more like them.
Whatever the scenario, this happens because rudeness is contagious.
Ina study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, researchers had subjects reply to a neutral email.
However, this had nothing to do with me.
As Tiny Buddha points out, another persons rude behavior its rarely about you.
Maybe its a coping mechanism.
Maybe they feel inadequate or defensive.
Or hell, maybe someone else was rude and it rubbed off onthem.
I started to become rude and unkind myself.
I even became prone to insulting people as a way of protecting myself if they didnt like me.
I didnt make a conscious decision to be mean.
I didnt wake up in the morning and think, Today, I am going to hurt someones feelings.
It just happened in the moment when I was feeling especially down on myself…
It seems hokey, but theres a lot of power in that idea.
You get cut off in traffic.
People steal your parking spots.
They run into you with their shopping carts.
The list goes on.
In other words, I was being a total asshole.
I also realized I had a choice.
I could choose how I reacted to the series of rude interactions Id had that day.
Its tough to remember not to take things personally, but now I use my irritability as a trigger.
So instead of not letting someone in my lane, Ill wave them over.
At first, I did this just to break the cycle of rudeness.
But Ive noticed that it actuallyhelps turn my mood aroundquite a bit.
Psychologist Elana Miller would probably approve of this method.
Sounds like a lot of unnecessary frustration to me.
Instead of reacting to someone elses actions, you take control over your own.
For example, lets say a coworker throws you under the bus.
Youre now on the hook for their mistake.
Encountering rudenesscan have a big impact on your performance, too.
They are no longer able to process it as well or as efficiently as they would otherwise.
In fact, ignoring the problem with kindness could make things worse later.
At the same time, being rude could cultivate an environment of rudeness, which would be counterproductive.
Confront them about their behavior: Be upfront about how you feel and address their behavior objectively.
Most bullies will back down as soon as you call them out.
Giving them a hug, mentally, can help you empathize with their actions.
Thinkobjectivelyabout what youre feeling.
This helps you keep the situation under control by separating your emotions and staying in the present.
When I dealt with my own anger issues, a friend suggestedreassuringthat inner toddler, too.
Because you dont feel smart sometimes?
Thats okay, we all feel that way occasionally.
It can be tough to avoid catching someone elses rudeness.
And on really tough days, a few mental tricks can pull you through.
And in some cases, a little distance can work wonders.
If all of your friends or coworkers are jerks, try spending time with new friends.
Find a coworker whos not caught up in the office incivility.
Get out of the big city once in awhile.
Being around other people or less stressful environments can help you readjust your perspective.
Illustration by Tina Mailhot-Roberge.
