At first blush, apples might seem pretty boring (thatsthe fruit that got mankind expelled from paradise?)

If all youve had is Red Delicious (more like Red Dumbface am I right?

), you are missing out, my friend.

Next time you find yourself at the market, count the types of apples.

If youre at a grocery store, there will probably be four or five, but the farmers market?

You will findtensof apples, literallytens.

(As in like, 10-20.)

(For instance, my mother roasts her Brussels sprouts until they are mush.

You dont have to peel them; simply rinse and get to chomping.

Not all varieties are well-suited for fresh eating, though.

Basically, the opposite of the mealy, one-note, stupid stupid Red Delicious.

So which ones should you buy for putting directly into your beautiful mouth?

These are the apples you want on your cheeseboards, my friend.

(Bonus: sprinkle a little salt on there.

My grandmother is a genius.)

(Guess what the stupid Red Delicious got?

Dont know who to trust?

Make both and see which you like better.

Of course, no one is saying you cant experiment with your own apple combinations.

Want to see how an apple will hold up without baking an entire pie?

Then spread it on bread, spoon it into yogurt, or dollop it on pork chops.

Recommendations for which apples make the best butter are kind of all over the place.

Some advocate the use of only the softest apples such as Braeburns, McIntosh, Fujis, and Courtlands.

The only apples that arent really recommended are the harder varieties like Rome, and the too-mealy Red Delicious.

(For a super easy apple butter that will make your home smell divine, usethis Crockpot recipe.

Guess which one I prefer?

Theres also no reason you cant make a blend here.

Need to up the sweetness without adding in much else?

This is the only time I will recommend a Red Delicious.

Grannys got your back.

The only apples you should really avoid when juicing are the dryer varieties, like Rome and Arkansas Black.

Now that weve gotten the boring part out of the way, lets talk apple booze.

The remaining juice can come from sweet apples, or semi-sweets, like McIntosh, Baldwins, Cortlands.

If you wish to enjoy a more, ahem, refined product,HowToMakeHardCider.comis your new best friend.

So, how do you like them apples?

(Sorry, but Ive been waiting over a thousand words to say that.)

Photos byJacksons Orchard,Kirinohana, Claire Lower,JeffreyW, andJapen Go.