Nobody likes complaining, but is it reallythatbad?
Complaining gives us something to talk about.
Ninety percent ofSeinfeldwas just listening to four characters complain, and it was entertaining and relatable.
Complaining can be harmful and obnoxious, but it can also serve a purpose.
It just takes approaching it the right way.
Both of us felt so much better afterward.
It was a huge stress reliever.
Of course, venting isnt always a good thing.
My neighbor and I may have found catharsis with our venting, buttoo much complainingcan actually hurt your relationships.
For example, I often vent about mundane details to a good friend of mine.
But unlike my neighbor, shes not entertained and empathetic about those complaints.
A2002 study (PDF)from Iowa State University looked at venting and how it affects our anger.
Venting did not lead to a more positive mood either.
By the end of practice, I felt calmer, andphysical exercise has that effect.
A recentstudy published in the Journal of Social Psychologylooked at the link between happiness, mindfulness, and complaining.
Its all about making the best choice, knowing when to complain and to whom.
Theres also evidence to show that venting for the sake of venting isnt all bad.
Theres a middle ground between the two extremes, and it comes down to complaining mindfully.
Before you complain, it might help to state that purpose and consider your audience.
And it helpedthose complaints seemed so trivial after chatting and laughing about them.
We were complaining so we couldavoiddwelling.
With other complaints, your purpose might be a solution.
Ive always loved complaining to my parents about work stuff, for example.
Or, you might complain to your boss about this situation in the hope that something gets done.
Either way, complaining doesnt have to be useless.
It can serve a purpose.
A common mistake chronic complainers make is to self-identify with the negative thoughts running through their minds.
Over at Becoming Minimalist,writer Joshua Becker offersa few useful tips for breaking the habit.
Often times, even subconsciously, this tactic is used because it garners a heightened response.
Remove it from your arsenal.
And try spreading some cheer with your opening line instead.
Like a lot of bad habits, it also helps to notice your triggers.
Maybe its red lights.
Maybe its when your partner gets home at the end of the day.
It also helps to understandwhyyoure complaining.
Im so busy
, is a good example.
We often say it as a means to subtly communicate our importance.
Dont seek to impress others with your complaints.
Im actually pretty happy, he told me.
I just didnt want to shove it in your face.
And I was doing the same thing!
Chances are, theres a silly reason behind it.
But intentionally focusing on positive events can provide balance.
You dont have to be bubbly and peppy all the time; its about balance.
Make predictions, write them down and compare against results.
This is an excellent way to see where your natural abilities are and if youre improving.
In short,focusing a little on gratitudehelps shift some of the attention away from mindless complaining.
Complaining isnt all bad.
Mindless complaining, on the other hand, can be a real bummer.
Plus, it annoys the people around you.
Illustration by Jim Cooke.
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